Yet doubt creeps in, even for the most passionate. I’m sure each actor has his or her reasons, demons and sirens that clamor for her to stick with it. I pursue acting because I love people. I have a need to tell stories. Those who know me personally will attest to my tiresome habit of shoe-horning the most miniscule events in my daily life into neat bundles of vignettes. I’m working on this, cutting down lengthy phone messages and attempting to be as considerate of other people’s time as possible. “Hi Babe, it’s me. I’m walking home from work and passed this nerdy guy on a motorcycle and…sorry. Give me a call when you get this. Bye!” What should normally be a twenty second message can expand until the beep cuts me off, if I’m not careful. Thank God my friends are good, patient people.
Yes, masochism factors into it, the pursuit of acting, I mean. I’m cultivating a positive outlook on life, so I can safely say I’m in the process of pushing self-loathing out of the moving car and into oncoming traffic. Unfortunately, I never want to get rid of any emotion or trait completely, seeing that they’ll all be useful at some point or another for one of the characters; much like the silly little stories and details. For now, then, I’ll keep all that stuff in the trunk.
Fame is a reason that often comes up. I’m not going to lie, it would be trippy to become famous but it is not the goal. In an ideal world, I would become a “working actor.” I’d have commercials to pay the bills, TV co-star roles and eventually supporting roles in Indie films at Sun Dance. There’d be interviews with online Entertainment shows and the occasional Red Carpet opening. Most importantly, there would be scripts. Oh yes, scripts waiting for me and an Agent to help me sort through them... Opportunities made through work. Work begetting work. I’d like to get paid for the work; paid enough to live on. That’s the goal.
