Sunday, June 21, 2009

We’ll have my People call your People…

I’m embarrassed that I’m embarrassed to promote my own work. It’s not a helpful trait in an actor, really, and it’s taken me a long time to sort out how to self-promote without shame. Admitting that I am an actor, handing someone my card, informing folks about the projects I’m working on—for some reason, the salesmanship of acting sticks in my throat.

Before coming to LA, I made sure that I could, at least, feel comfortable with the basics of self-promotion. I have my little business cards, my website, etc. I let folks know I’m an actor, although, for some reason, I still pause about this as though I’m ashamed of myself for not having invested time in a more lucrative or stable profession. Where I really start to falter are the instances when I want to work with someone and I don’t know how to breach the subject. Loosing site of my own artistic and creative goals, I flounder in front of casting directors and sometimes fellow actors, feeling as though I have nothing to offer them. In some cases, I’m more likely to promote someone else’s work than my own but examining my motives for that seemed like a step in the right direction.

As a quick sidebar, I’m not seeking thanks or praise when I say I tout other people’s work instead of my own. Sometimes I’m focusing on someone's work in order to feel accepted, or that I’m “in the know” or, during especially bad cases of shyness, to show that I’m not a total freak and I do have friends who are (mercifully) cooler than me. When I find myself extrapolating on the virtues of some else’s project, I’m also acknowledging their forward momentum. I’m showing respect for their perseverance, their talent and often their success. There’s a tricky word – success. I’m afraid of trying and failing which is part of why I point to the successes of others in order to glean some part of that triumph, as though a little bit of recognition rubs off on me each time I describe the Dove commercial my friend was in, or the guy from my acting class who’s in Southland (Go Alex Alessandro Garcia!).

It’s time to take responsibility for potential success. Allowing for failure is necessary because it means you’re trying, throwing yourself out there and giving yourself the chance to succeed, even if it is through trial and error. Even if I leave L.A. without having sparked a career, I want to feel good about learning from my time here. Maybe I’ll learn how to fail successfully—one can only hope.